A teenage client requested that I write a blog about how to attract the opposite sex, and so this is my story and insight gleamed from years of being in the dating world.
I was someone who was always fantasized about the possibility of love but was petrified that I could never have it. I would say things to myself like, “I am too shy to meet anyone; I don’t look like what men are attracted to; there is no one out there who is going to get who I am as a person; I don’t like going to bars so how can I possibly meet anyone,” and the list went on and on. After years of alternating between putting myself out there and shying away from the idea of ever meeting anyone, I met the man of my dreams. He is smart, successful, funny, compassionate and, he completely loves and adores me. I am writing this blog because I want to instill hope in all of you doubters out there; I truly believe that by taking a few simple steps, love is possible for all of you.
A good friend of mine once described falling in love as the experience of falling in love with yourself, and I would argue that this is the true. We can only expect to feel another’s love as deeply as we love ourselves. Therefore, the key to opening yourself up to falling in love is to learn to truly love yourself.
I started this process by making a list of my strengths and the qualities that I could bring into a loving relationship. I then proceeded to read this list on a daily basis to reinforce my good feelings about myself.
I looked in the mirror every morning when I got out of the shower, and made the decision to appreciate the beautiful parts my body instead of picking apart what I thought was wrong or imperfect about it.
I then made a list of all the things about me that could be potential problems with my future mate. With each thing I wrote on this list, I had compassion for myself, just as I would any friend (because everyone has their stuff). Then from a place of love and acceptance for myself, I picked one thing to work on for a specific period of time depending on how big it was. I started by working on my shyness. I made it a goal to start conversations with people I met in the world. I noticed the more I pushed myself to work on these things, the less scared I was that these things would be an issue.
I set the goal to become the best version of myself and to open myself to the possibility of love. I decided when negative thoughts came into my mind about the impossibility of love that I would redirect them to focusing on the beautiful parts of me. As I loved myself more and more, I realized that I could create an amazing life with or without a romantic partner. The reason this last part is so important is that others can sense desperation, and when you walk into a situation needing love versus wanting it, others can feel your fear, and it can prevent them from seeing the whole, confident, unique you.
I knew there would be a higher likelihood of meeting someone, the more I put myself out there. I said yes to practically everything I was invited to especially if it was a) something I would not normally do, and b) I had the potential to meet new people while doing it. I also signed up for online dating which gave me the opportunity to practice connecting to all different types of people. I showed up to these events and dates with the goal simply to have fun and connect to new people.
Through this process, I discovered not only the love of my life, but even more valuable a deep love for myself, and I hope it can do the same for you. If you have any questions or comments feel free to write me at firstname.lastname@example.org.